|Forgive me for yesterday's absence. |
I have been trying to quit cigarettes for last several months. I can barely survive twenty four hours, then I just completely lose it. Uncontrollable internalized anger and rage, which are not typical feelings for me at all, sets in at the twenty third hour every time. My withdrawal is so viscous that I would rather quit quitting than put up with another moment of those feelings.
And I get there with the highest dose (21mg) patch and (2mg) gum and a low dose of Champix and Ativan. Unbelievable.
The only way I can see quitting successfully is if I go into lock down cold turkey for a few days. Somewhere I can just lose it but get over it without having to function. Functioning was the problem yesterday. (On one occasion in the past, I tried to quit and I ran into someone's car while parking. I took that same spot one thousand times without even thinking, then vertigo.)
I have wondered this for a long time: why is there not readily, publicly available, workplace recognized detox centres in Canada for smokers who really want to quit but can not on their on? Surely, enough public money is spent on mostly useless anti-smoking campaigns.
If nicotine is the most addictive substance there is, why do heroine and cocaine get special places for a person to recover from them? Because I am not immediately fucking up my life? I kind of just want to improve my health, eventually save the public health care system some money, find better places in the economy to put my habit money. Is there too little drama in that?
Perhaps cigarette quitters should act out--rob, lose everything, prostitute, shoot people for a cigarette and maybe get on A&E's Intervention.
|Previous Day's Business |
• Contract work
• Washed motorcycle parts
• Worked on found pen set